I am horrible at blogging. Oh well.

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So, for the last six months I've worked at a major coffee chain with a name inspired by a character from the novel Moby Dick. Having never worked in food before, it has been a learning experience, but I've actually enjoyed every minute of it. I love the people I work with. They. Are. Awesome. I've learned that I can do any job as long as there are cool people to make it seem easier.

This job experience has been rich for many reasons, but one is that it has given me lots of interesting stories for my husband when I come home from work. I would love to tell you all of them. However, despite the local-coffee-house-feel of my store, I am still a minion in a gigantic corporation, and I do not want to write anything incriminating...so...

I really wanted to write a detailed treatise on the types of people who come to our store and the ways that the minimum-wage-survivalist baristas survive our encounters with them...

I wanted to write a blog about the moral dichotomy of abhorring our mass manufacture of culture (as eloquently put in the film Greenberg) and still being very grateful to have a job with plenty of hours and benefits...

I wanted to tell you what will happen to you if you are rude to me or one of my coworkers (It starts with de- and ends with -caf)...

I wanted to describe how terribly fatty and sugary our beverages are and how I hate that people think they need a 7-pump white mocha or a five-shot caramel macchiato and so they come every day and will be surely surprised when they get diabetes and/or heart disease...

I wanted to say how secretly happy I am for the tiny coffee shop a mile or two down the road that is doing very well despite our gigantic presence....

but I didn't. So suck it. ;-)

For Today...November 17, 2009

Outside my window...the sun is low and there is absolutely no wind or cars driving by. The only thing moving is the pendant on the wind chime, swaying indifferently.

I am thinking about... the fact that I have a job interview at Starbucks tomorrow! I am really looking forward to (hopefully) not working at Express anymore and having my own benefits!

I am thankful for...God's presence in my life and the grace that he extends me daily. I am thankful for small victories. I am thankful for good days, but I'm trying to also be thankful for the bad ones. I am thankful for my family and friends. Most of all, I am so very thankful for my rock, my husband.

From the Kitchen...Rob and I have eaten so well lately! We have cooked ribeye, pork chops with spiced apple pan sauce, lettuce wraps and ratatouille! Some of those have been more successful and tasty than others, but cooking is fun! Next I want to do attempt some holiday baking...yum.

I am wearing...jeans and a pink shirt, no shoes. I wore my cute brown skirt suit to work with the pink shirt.

I am reading...On the Road by Jack Kerouac and really enjoying it so far. I've read more books for fun since I've been married than I have read in years: Both Pygmy and Lullaby by the criminally insane but brilliant Chuck Palahuniuk, The Road by the amazing Cormac McCarthy, Coraline by Neil Gaiman, Weetzie Bat by Francesca Lia Block... and I started Pride and Prejudice but I really haven't liked it that much. It's nice to have time to read for fun again.

I am praying...for patience, self-confidence, and contentment...and a good job with benefits!

I am hoping...to get the Starbucks job because it would mean a little more money coming in every month! Money isn't everything, but the bill collectors don't know that!

I am creating...not as much as I want to! I want to write and craft more. I am wanting to make all my Christmas presents to save money, so I am looking forward to that!

Around the house...I cleaned yesterday, so it actually looks pretty good! Gus is snoozing under the dining table and Oprah is on...things are always so exciting around here!

One of my favorite things...uncontrollably laughing with my husband.

As I predicted, I have not blogged for a while. I have considered writing a new entry multiple times, but I have often been too overwhelmed with all of the changes in my life to sit and write them down. So this one will be a doozie, but bear with me.

PART ONE... WE'RE MARRIED!

On July 11, I married my best friend.



I love him so so much. Marriage is such a strange and beautiful thing--having one person who fulfills all of my needs for love and companionship is the closest thing to perfection on Earth. I loved Rob before we were married, but now, I feel like I understand Song of Solomon a little bit more ;-).



The wedding was so perfect. I was surrounded by my best friends and my amazing family, who couldn't have been more awesome and helpful. I know I could not have gotten through the week before the wedding without them.



My bridesmaids were TOTALLY AWESOME and we had the best time getting ready and giggling a lot.



I also have to mention my ushers/bodyguards Mark and Aaron, who I do not get to see enough! These boys are the light of my life and I want to shrink them and keep them in my pocket. Unfortunately, science has not made this possible.


This cute little thing, however, just about fits in your pocket.


The wedding day was just about perfect. Some issues with the photographer have since plagued us, but as you can see, the pictures that we DO have turned out rather well! Here's another one of the cutie:

And these silly boys were there too...


My amazing brother was our minister and we were both so happy to have him be such an important part of our day. He made our ceremony so very special and we love him so much!

And now I have a big new family!!


We honeymooned in San Antonio, where we

• stayed in an awesome hotel.
• saw three cool movies
• spent all day at Schlitterbahn (without getting sunburnt)
• got bored at Fiesta Texas
• ate way too much delicious Mexican food and celebrated being finally together in Texas. (by the way, 2/3 of those restaurant web sites feature Tejano music... I'm just saying).
• other things happened too, but they are none of your business!

PART TWO: I'M A BIG KID NOW

Once we returned from the honeymoon, unpacked our gifts and organized our bitchin' new apartment, we hit the job hunt hard. Rob waited tables all summer at Joe's Crap Shack (oops...Freudian slip?) and we both applied for HUNDREDS of jobs in schools. Out of all of our applications, we had two interviews each all summer. TWO! So very sad. Fortunately, Rob's second interview for an instructional aide job in Leander ISD was successful and now he loves his job! I had two aide job interviews with no success and started applying for sundry entry-level positions with benefits.

One Friday, frustrated with my lack of prospects, I went to Lakeline Mall and dropped off applications at a few stores. I got a call from Express the following Monday and had a job working in the back there within a few days. It's minimum wage, but they give me a lot of hours at least.

Okay, here's where God came in.

Around the same time that I got the job at Express, I had an interview for a teller position at Bank of America. The interview did not result in a job (because I really could care less about "the banking experience") but the recruiter liked me. She had a friend who is a teacher in Pflugerville ISD and gave me her contact info. The recruiter's teacher friend told me about the AVID program that PISD (yes, the best acronym ever) has in all of their schools, and told me that they hire tutors. She forwarded my resume to the coordinator, who called me in for an interview and gave me the job! So because of one silly group interview at B of A, I have a second job that I love!

So Tuesdays and Thursdays I work at Pflugerville Middle School with awesome students and an awesome teacher, and I unpack boxes at Express the rest of the week. It's not what I thought I would be doing at this point in my life, but I am trusting God and moving forward with whatever He gives me.

The fact is I have so many sweet things to focus on in my life. I do get sad occasionally, but then I look at this guy and things seem to instantly improve.


He is my best friend. And I love him.

"i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you"
-ee cummings

Since I am terrible about updating this thing, I am sure that the next time I blog, I will be a married woman. :-)

Preparations for the wedding are almost taken care of. My dress fits and is snugly in its long white bag on the back of the other bedroom door in my parents' house along with a pair of shoes. The garter, ring, and pearls (courtesy of Mom, Dad and Memaw) are in a "survival kit" in a huge pile of wedding-related paraphernalia in the office.

Somewhere in all that crap is a wedding...

I have been trying to avoid the stress of other non-related issues because thinking too long about it makes me depressed. Not having a job stinks. Seeing jobs I have applied for and contacted principals for and lobbied for close without even getting a call stinks. I worry that it's not going to work out this year. And that's okay if it's all God's plan, but if it's something I am failing or have failed to do, then it's not okay! I know it's early, but I just hate having to WAIT! Even if I don't teach this fall, I'll find something to do for a living until a job becomes available. I've applied at several banks and for teaching aid positions as well.

As my mind has slipped further into despair, the love of my life gave me some encouragement the other night. Paraphrasing, "You'll survive, even if it doesn't work out like you'd hoped. Plus you get to marry me in a week so quit your bitching!" (or something like that). I love that man. He really does call me out when I'm being irrational and I love him for it. I need this man in my life, and he's right, I do get to marry him in a week! :-)

So with a new perspective, I am going to not worry about not having a job for the next two weeks. I am going to just enjoy the company of the multitude of family and wonderful friends who are coming to celebrate with us. Here is a rough itinerary of the following week:

• This weekend: Go to storage unit, compile important stuff to be moved to Austin. Clean house. Buy gifts for Mark Bailey (usher) and parentals (all other gifts are ordered and on their way!). Write vows. Celebrate the Fourth with Daryl and the family.
  
• Monday: Andy, Claire & Savy arrive. Do girly things with Claire and Savy. Talk music and marriage counseling with Andy.
• Tuesday: Make FINAL flower arrangement after blue hydrangeas arrive in mail. Hang out with Granjack and Sissie, who are driving in from Magnolia, TX. Squeal with delight when Jamy Lynn Gillespie arrives. Go make fabulousness with Jamy.
• Wednesday: Make out with Rob as soon as he arrives. Sorry Mom and Dad. We're about to finally be married!!
• Thursday: MARRIAGE LICENSE! Audrey and Derek arrive in all their sun-kissed glory, having just traveled to Mexico. Rob's parents and sisters arrive. Bachelorette soiree: mani/pedis, McGuire's Irish Pub dinner, sign dollar bills for McGuire's ceiling; lingerie shower perhaps?
• Friday: Trip to Sam's (how in the world could I have never been exposed to the wonders of Sam's Club till now?!) for food. Decorate chapel/reception area. Laine, Jesse, Mark Bailey and Aaron arrive. Too much joy and exhileration at having so many of my dear dear friends so close! Kool-aid dance with Aaron at some point I'm sure. Rehearsal not to exceed 1 hour! (I have no patience for such tomfoolery!); Rehearsal dinner (YUMMO TIME). Possible late movie with young'uns if we're up for it; hair practice with Mark; a good night's rest (or at least lying in bed for several hours in the dark).
• Saturday: GAME TIME! Up by 6 for a good breakfast/quiet time/phone call to my future husband. Hair with Mark. Makeup. Relaxation with family and my smokin hot bridal party before we go to the church. At chapel by 11:30. Put on the white dress. Pictures with girls and parents. Waiting around for 2 PM and the music of Sigur Ros to begin...

That's pretty much the rough plan for now till the wedding. My husband and I will leave Sunday morning for our honeymoon in San Antonio and no one will be hearing from us for a while!

I cannot wait to be Amy Catherine Crowl. And it's only one week away.

Sorry for all the sadness in the last blog. It was necessary.

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On a happier note, Rob and I get married in 25 days!!!

These next few weeks are going to be very very busy for us, as neither of us have a teaching job secured for the fall. The job hunt officially started last Thursday when I drove to across the "Deliverance-land "(Alabama/Mississippi/Louisiana/Deep East Texas) to the unspeakably beautiful Texas hill country. Unfortunately, my camera is in a storage unit and I couldn't take any pictures of the drive, but that stretch of 290 from Brenham to Austin is probably the most beautiful stretch of road I've ever seen. Totally and utterly idyllic.

Friday the 6th was a job fair for Region 13. It was good to mingle and see all of the different schools that are out there. So far, no calls, but I am kicking it into high gear and trying to be aggressive. I'll find one eventually, I am just impatient because I'm getting married in less than a month. The next week I decided to stay in Austin, seeing as my Houston shower was the following weekend. So in between applying for jobs, I got to do some fun Austin-y things with Rob, Andy & Claire:

• Live Music (RFJ at Starbucks... great show!)
• Climb up the steps to Mount Bonnell and see a giant's eye view of Lake Austin
• Drive down 6th street; see a g-stringed guy on bicycle
• Devour a Mighty Fine Burger and Vanilla Shake (Totally worth the bloatedness afterward)
• Eat at Waterloo Ice House
• Shop at the Round Rock Outlet
• Eat yummy frozen custard concoction at Shakes in Cedar Park
• Witness the ROT rally crowd all over Austin on their bikes
  

All of it adds up to the fact that I LOVE AUSTIN and can't wait to live there.

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This weekend was great. Friday, Rob and I set out to look for an apartment. We loved the first place we looked and could hardly bear to look at any others before we were able to sign the papers on the first place. Despite all of the driving we did, plus the 90+ degree weather, it was a great day and highly productive. Our new apartment is FABulous (yes, I want you to emphasize the first syllable). We got a great deal on it, and it is definitely the most beautiful one we've seen in our search. Plus, it's only about three miles from Andy & Claire and in the same complex as my future sister in law, Heather! So excited to move in!

My first wedding shower was Saturday in Houston at Spring Creek Barbeque. Claire did a great job putting it all together (I am getting pointers for my other sisters' future bridal showers!) and it was so great to see everyone. Again, I do not have my camera, so I don't know what pictures were taken! Rob and I got a ton of great stuff for our new apartment. Andy and Claire took the gifts back to Austin to put in their garage for after Rob moves into the apartment.

After the shower, we went to Magnolia for some quality time with the Harveys. Savannah played with Nanny, Aunt Sissie's 19 year old cat, and it was probably the funniest thing I've ever seen. This old cat was so tolerant of Savy pulling on her fur and "clapping" her head. Savy screamed with delight the whole time and the cat did not run away. On the other hand, Gus, my cat, would have been on his way to Mexico by the time a loud baby tried to touch him!

Sunday morning, we drove back to Mobile so I can finish the wedding stuff, apply for jobs, email principals, and spend some time with Mom. We've gotten really used to being so close to each other that I can tell me moving to Austin will be an adjustment.

Still, I am so looking forward to me and Rob's new life in Austin. Our apartment is great, we love the city, and we WILL find jobs!!

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I always like to end with a song, so how about this one from the Killers' newest album?

Your sky is full of dreams
But you don't know how to fly
I don't have asimple answer
But I know that I could answer
Something better...

Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it...

Preface: There are two songs that have profoundly affected me in these last few weeks and I want to share them with you, if you'll let me.

I turned 23 just a few weeks ago. For the last few years, I have greatly anticipated turning 23 because of a very special Jimmy Eat World song of that name. The day before I turned 23, feeling on top of the world, I had my last day of student teaching, and drove to Mobile blasting this song out of my windows. I cried then, feeling so relieved to be through such a huge part of my life, and finally feeling ready to be a "grownup."

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

A month has not even passed since I turned my favorite age, and I've experienced the hardest part of growing up already: losing a loved one. I saw Grannie the weekend I graduated and had a wonderful weekend with her. We laughed, like we always do, and even got choked up over the same card that my mom gave me that said, "I think you've found your wings." (Grannie read this blog and knew exactly what it meant.) At the funeral, many wonderful things were said about her, but to me, she was the embodiment of Jesus' greatest commandment: "Love one another, as I have also loved you." She was endlessly tolerant and unselfish, completely giving of herself and her resources for her "family", which included those who were related to her, and a special few who weren't. Losing her was sudden and unexpected, like being punched the stomach. From the moment Mom called and said she was in the hospital, I had this overwhelming feeling of loss and I immediately missed her. We drove 17 hours each way to Odessa for the viewing and funeral. As beautiful and well planned as the funeral was, nothing can fill that feeling of loss that tugs at me. It feels like a wound that will never heal. My heart breaks for Granjack, who I know feels infinitely more wounded than me or anyone else can feel about her loss.

There is another song that has suddenly become very important to me because of these recent events. I never really connected to the song till now. Rob has always loved it, and for some reason had been fixated on it in the weeks before Grannie passed. Mom called me as Grannie was in her final hours, saying that Granjack, Dad, his siblings, and several others who had gone to Sherman, were refusing to leave Grannie's side. At the time, I didn't understand how they could sit and watch her suffer. Dad agonizingly watched the monitors slowing down as she slipped away just before midnight on May 15. Rob later said that this song, "What Sarah Said" by Deathcab for Cutie, fully describes what he and his family all were going through. I know he is right.

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said
That "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?

I'm kind of homesick for a country
To which I've never been before.
No sad goodbyes will there be spoken
for time won't matter anymore.

Beulah Land, I'm longing for you
and some day on thee I'll stand.
There my home shall be eternal.
Beulah Land -- Sweet Beulah Land

I'm looking now across the river
where my faith will end in sight.
There's just a few more days to labor.
Then I will take my heavenly flight.

Beulah Land, I'm longing for you
and some day on thee I'll stand.
There my home shall be eternal.
Beulah Land -- Sweet Beulah Land

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we love you. longing to see you again.