I have been so blessed in my life. I truly can say I have everything I need. I have the love of my family, friends, and my future husband. As I graduate in two weeks, I have wondered what the transition to true adulthood will be like. Will I find a job? And furthermore, will I be good at it? Where will we live?

Yesterday, Rob was dealt an enormously unfair blow from his employer and is being let go. He hated the job and was eventually planning on quitting, but this is still a monstrously a-hole thing for his boss to do considering Rob worked well over 40 hours a week for very little pay. Pastors must be the hardest people to work for. If you have a hard time serving your pastor for personal reasons, people would say that you don't love God or that you don't have a servant's heart. Serving The Lord is one thing, but serving a pastor's every need no matter what time of day the phone rings is another. "Ego-stroker" should have been his job title. And then, 2 1/2 months before our wedding (only 3 months into the job, mind you), he gets let go. The timing could not be worse. I am thinking of new and inventive curse words to describe his boss as I type...

As upset as me, Rob, and our families are by this event, we are all trying to see this as a blessing. I know that if Rob continued to work at that church while we were married, his job might have come between us (especially if, like today, his boss calls him and makes him drive 1 1/2 hours to run an errand on his day off). Also, this gives Rob a chance to think about what he really wants to do with his life. We have always wanted to move to Austin, and we think that maybe this is our chance, so I have also started looking at teaching jobs in the Austin area.

It is times like these that I am reminded of what I first said: I have everything that I need. As my mom reminded me this morning, I don't have everything you want, but God does give me everything I need.

A lot of other things have happened lately, but they are not as pressing as Rob's job situation. For example, I am halfway through my unit on Short Stories, and while it's been hit-and-miss, it's been largely successful. I have decided to crack the whip on my Advanced students because they are lazy, so that has been fun! I am also eagerly anticipating my birthday this weekend, finals next week, and graduation on the 9th.

Since I feel that it fits the theme of this post so far, I will explain the title of my blog.

As I have said before, the wonders of Radiohead have run deeply through me in the last year or so. I tend to get fixated on a band or musician and only listen to them for a few months and then move on to something else. I can't shake Radiohead. For my birthday last year, I saw them in Atlanta and if I had no other ambition or people who I loved in life, I might follow them around and go to every show they perform. One of the songs that made me love them is called "Let Down". The song is actually pretty depressing (much of Radiohead seems that way), but there is a certain optimism to it. The song is about the boredom of waiting for something to happen and the often disappointing feeling that comes after it happens. One thing my dad has taught me is to expect nothing and not be disappointed. Well, that applies here. Though things may suck now, "one day I am gonna grow wings"; I will get married, I will have a good job, I will go to grad school, I will have children. Though I may never understand the "hysterical and useless"ness of it all, I am comfortable knowing that God is sovereign. Life without God is a series of disappoinments; God is the source of true fulfillment. He reminds me of that every day.

Anyway, it's probably a very skewed interpretation of a song by a band of agnostics/atheists/apathetics, but it's a beautiful song. And it's a beautiful life.

Transport, motorways and tramlines
Starting and then stopping
Taking off and landing
The emptiest of feelings
Disappointed people, clinging on to bottles
And when it comes it so, so disappointing

Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

Shell smashed, juices flowing
Wings twitch, legs are going
Don't get sentimental
It always ends up drivel
One day I am gonna grow wings
A chemical reaction, hysterical and useless
Hysterical and

Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

You know, you know where you are when
You know where you are when
Floor collapse and falling
Bouncing back and one day
I am gonna grow wings
A chemical reaction, hysterical and useless
Hysterical and

Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

Well, just a quick note before bed. The job fair, with all its hype and high expectations, was incredibly disappointing. Goose Creek CISD did not show up, like they had planned to. There were no other schools from Texas there. The whole thing was kind of a big waste of time, except I got to wear one of my cute new suits, curl my hair, and socialize while my friends went on interviews for schools in Alabama.

I did speak to a woman who teaches at Riverwood Classical School, a private school that is run out of the church I go to when I'm in town on the weekends. I don't have the time or the know how to explain what a classical school really is, but basically it's a model of developing in students logical and rhetorical skills while in the context of Western Civilization and Biblical teaching. I had a great conversation with the woman about teaching reading and writing strategies. Unfortunately, Riverwood is only K-6 (and, of course, they are in Alabama), but the woman showed me a link to where I could look for a Classical School in Houston to apply to. I may actually see what jobs are available, although I feel like my public education and my public educator training has left me vastly unprepared for such a job. Oh well.

However, I did just complete the MASSIVE application to Goose Creek CISD, with the exception of uploading some letters of recommendation. Dad was wonderful and contacted them when I called him crying about them not showing up (and me feeling like I had really set myself up for how disappointed I was). He got me two contacts who have told me to forward my information to them. Every little bit helps!

Just trying to trust God on this job situation. He has never let me down because I know that He is sovereign and has a plan. I will just have to be patient and wait to find out what that is.

The best part of all this is... SPRING BREAK IS ALMOST HERE! Yesssssss.

So, remember the dress fitting I was so excited about? Didn't happen. I got a phone call 3 1/2 hours before my appointment asking me to reschedule because they weren't going to be able to get around to doing my alterations yet. (Besides, my wedding isn't until July, I'm sure I wouldn't mind waiting.) Never mind that they've had my dress for A MONTH, which apparently is not enough time to alter it in. I was so disappointed and upset when I found out. I came into town specifically for the fitting (I also wanted to hang out with Mom & Dad, but that's beside the point!). Anyway, it was a big mess. A big, irritating mess. My next appointment is May 2, and if I call the week before and the dress is not done by then, I will have Mom go pick it up and get her money back. They are not getting any more of my money...What a buncha crooks! Every last one of 'em! (Okay, that's just hyperbole, but to me, taking someone's money and not doing the service agreed upon is a form of theft.)

In my last posting, I told about how I was looking for clothing that said, "HIRE ME!" Well, Mom and I went to The Limited and cleeeeeeeeaaaaaned uuuup! (Stretch it out for emphasis!) I now have three AMAZING new suits. My mom is amazing. There is no question about it.

Tomorrow, I will wear my cute new brown skirted suit to Education Interview Day. Goose Creek ISD (Baytown) is going to be there, and so far, that's the only school from Texas that will be present. I plan on visiting them and only them, (if there are no other Texas schools there) so maybe I will still be able to enjoy my afternoon off.

Friday is Honor's Day, so that means another day off for me (I feel spoiled this week with this time off!) and then Friday night I fly to Houston to meet my LOVE. Awesome. This week cannot move by quickly enough!

"You paint yourself white
and fill up with noise
but there'll be something missing."
-Radiohead, "Nude"

This week was ARMT/SAT 10 testing, so I was really looking forward to a week of no grading at home, no late afternoons at school, no real teaching to do. Monday through Wednesday were great days; I finished all my grading, the kids watched Radio and were pretty cooperative the whole time. Then, Wednesday night, I get a text from Mrs. R, saying that she was in a car wreck and wouldn't be there for the rest of the week (fortunately, she was feeling okay, just a little bruised and sore; thank God nothing else happened to her!).

The children behaved somewhat well in Mrs. R's absence, however, they are never as well behaved as when she is there. She is the rock upon which the classroom is built! Mrs. R's many absences (9 times this semester!) have really tested me as a future teacher because I get to have complete control over the classroom. There is a substitute present, but usually I am the one doing all the work.

Speaking of subsitutes... oh God. This week, the sub was someone we've never really known before. Today, she told my home room to "Shut the hell up".... Mrs. R is going to croak (hopefully not literally) when I tell her. She was nice enough, I just don't think that she understands that you completely undermine your authority as the teacher when you speak to students that way. I just hope no parents call. What a nightmare this could turn out to be.

Next week, Mrs. R and I start morning duty in the gym. I can predict that I will probably be in a bad mood the first hour or two of the day as a result. Poor students. They better not cross me! I'm hormonal and ready to write detentions!! :-)

This weekend is my second wedding dress fitting. I have been looking forward to it for so long! Dad is probably going to come with us to the dress shop... I wonder how he is going to react! Also, next Wednesday is Interview Day (education career fair), so Mom and I are going to hunt for me a new professional looking outfit that says, "Hire me!"